That Annoying Gavin Newsom Is Measuring The Drapes

by: Kurt Schlichter
Published: September 25, 2023


The current antics of the chief executive of my failed state of California bring to mind that meme of Anthony Adams in a yellow suit, lurking as he rubs his hands, watching for his best chance. But Gavin Newsom is doing more than loitering and observing our senile, perverted, corrupt President Gumby stumble around in circles. He’s putting in the groundwork for the great switcheroo. He wants to be president and preside over the completion of the great leftist project of destroying America. And he’s proven capable of doing it – after all, this human dipstick has managed to make a state like California poor, dangerous, and infinitely stupid.

Governor Hairstyle is raising his profile in anticipation of his 2024 shot. He talked himself into a debate with Ron DeSantis over whether the Florida or California model is superior, though he will undoubtedly find an excuse not to do it. After all, besides the fact that California under Newsomism is a crime-ridden, over-taxed commie nightmare of wokeness and social pathologies, DeSantis has a notable advantage over Newsom – Ron is not an idiot. Gavin has also been making the rounds in the media, introducing himself to the rest of America, including in places like Fox, where the idea is to show normals that he is not scary. And he’s not, personally. He’s a good-looking guy, personable, and dumb as a sack of potatoes – pretty much a Democrat archetype. Imagine Jack Kennedy, except without the military service and with Jackie dumping him to go take up with Dick Nixon’s son. That his ex-wife Kimberly Guilfoyle left Gavin and ended up with Don Jr. is endlessly amusing, though the likely reason – Gavin had a thing for tapping his friends’ wives – is just scuzzy. In any case, he’s putting in the effort now to do to all of America what he did to his buddies’ spouses. 

Newsom just basically announced his candidacy when he declined to sign on to a new California bill that would require courts to rip kids away from parents who refuse to sign on to their kids getting mutilated to conform to their mom’s gender delusions. You know he wanted to sign it so bad that only the knowledge that people out in America would react with a “What the hell?” on a future campaign trail could stop him. The local Dems know what he is doing and their protests were muted. After all, if he can pull off the exchange with Grandpa Badfinger, then he can impose this perverted insanity on all of America instead of just on what is now, thanks to the ubiquitous hobo droppings, the Golden-Brown State.

But is our alleged president going to drop out? It’s pretty clear that he’s whatever you become after you’ve completed being senile. This guy makes Grandpa Simpson look like Gordon Gekko. It’s only a matter of time before he wanders the halls wearing nothing but an open bathrobe and terrifies a White House tour group with an impromptu story about how he wrestled Corn Pop for possession of the Lost Ark. But mere dignity is never going to stand between him and Dr. (sic) Jill’s love of power. You can see this guy’s fingers having to be pried one by one off the front door before he departs 1600 PA Ave. 

Of course, the Dems are starting to wonder if the Father of the Century’s dementia is so bad that swing voters will even swallow their proven distaste for Donald Trump and vote GOP in November 2024 (pretty much any other Republican not named Asa or who is not the size of one of Saturn’s moons would beat Crusty in a walk). The WaPo is running columns about how he needs to go. People are whispering that he’s too old – note that they are not whispering that he is too manifestly corrupt. Biden did one thing right – he hid his foreign bribes by laundering them through a web of shell companies instead of doing what fellow scumbag Bob Menendez did, which was basically accept a comically large sack with a dollar sign on it that was filled with gold. But Biden’s inevitable impeachment will not result in his removal, nor will the 25th Amendment. Putting aside Dem solidarity with corrupt politicians, he took out the perfect insurance policy by naming Kamala Harris veep.

Gavin has to deal with her, too. He was always a spoiled rich kid who did not feel the rules apply to him, like the ones he imposed on the rest of Cali about wearing a ridiculous mask, the Second Amendment, or the aforementioned issue with his having sex with other people’s wives. But now he’s facing another rule: "Thou Shalt Not Be a Penis-Wielding Person of Romney-like Whiteness Cutting in on a Black Chick’s Action.” If Newsom is going to pull this off, he has to shuffle Her Diverseness off-stage somehow, and that’s going to rile the national Dems up but good. 

Well, maybe. After all, the California Dems got over his veto of that trans delusion enforcement act. The Dems are so used to taking black and wine women's votes for granted that they may just assume that they can let him disrespect and humiliate a strong black woman like Kamala – though she’s pretty much done worse than that herself just by speaking than he ever could. Then again, when power is at stake all that woke garbage goes out the window. After all, in 2020, they went with Joe Biden, and no one but him thinks he’s a black woman.

So, Gavin’s plan is to be ready when Biden clocks out, circling like an incredibly coiffed buzzard and waiting for the day when this pitiful charade ends. America admits it currently has no president. If Trump is nominated, the Dems will probably act to make the switch. If someone besides Trump is nominated, the Dems will certainly act to make the switch. How they will do it and when they will do it are the big questions. Joe may punch out during the primaries, claiming he wants to spend more time with his family and their lawyers or with his kids in their showers. He may quit just before the convention, avoiding any unhelpful input into the nominee from Democrat voters – though the Dem base will accept whatever they are told to accept because they are hive-minded communists. Regardless, Gavin will keep preparing, trying to project moderation and shininess, watching for his best chance.


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