“Bombastic Sampling of Creativity”

 

     You have to hand it to Windy. When Alphonse “Windy” Wilson chooses to speak, it is a bombastic sampling of creativity. Windy has yet to find a word he can’t make better through his own unique methods.

  Well, what got him fired up the other day was a meeting of the ladies of the garden club down at the nursery. Windy’s been helping Dewey with his manure business on the one day a week he spends helping others. Today wasn’t a helper day, but he couldn’t pass up the audience.

  They hadn’t gotten through old business when Windy stood, smiled, and spoke.

  “Dear ladies,” he said, “what an opera-tune moment this is, finding you all coagulated here in an effort to beatify the yards of our fair town. And what, you may ask, brings me to this conflagration? It’s the latest thing in gardening. Our chairman of the board refers to it as ‘cow pasture tea’ and it nutritionalizes plants right down to bedrock. As Dewey says, the only way to improve on cow manure is to liquidize it.
Well, he hasn’t said it yet, but he will.

  “Now what exactly is cow pasture tea you’re undoubtedly asking yourselves at this moment. It’s a varietal combination of composted cow manure, water, and some acid we put in there to matriculate it properly into the life-giving succulence we require. Then we put it in a drum and pull the drum behind a tractor-like conveyance that looks an awful lot like an old riding lawn mower. We spray this on your lawn, and in ninja-seconds, this liquor of life perambulates deep into the rootiness of the grass and makes it want to grow.”

  He smiled at the group and noticed a lot of them were giggling in appreciation of his talk. He puffed up and continued.

  “And what does the Dewey Decker Manure Combine charge for this incompartible service? A mere $10 for an average-sized lawn. Think about that, ladies. Ten dollars. Twenty fifty-cent  pieces. Why you’d spend more than that on a wedding dress or a trip to the Bermudas!”

  A number of the ladies clapped at that, thinking that might satisfy him, and it did. He smiled and sat.

  He could get used to this corporate life. Maybe it wasn’t too late to climb the ladder to success.



Brought to you by The Complete Cowboy Bucket List. See it at LPDPress.com.

 

 

Newspaper columnist Slim Randles, who writes the weekly Home Country column, took home two New Mexico Book Awards in 2011. His advice book for young people, “A Cowboy’s Guide to Growing Up Right,” took first place in the self-help category, and “Sweetgrass Mornings” won in the biography/memoirs category. Randles lives and works in Albuquerque. Home Country reaches 3 million hometown newspaper readers each week

Slim Randles learned mule packing from Gene Burkhart and Slim Nivens. He learned mustanging and wild burro catching from Hap Pierce. He learned horse shoeing from Rocky Earick. He learned horse training from Dick Johnson and Joe Cabral. He learned humility from the mules of the eastern High Sierra. Randles lives in Albuquerque.

Randles has written newspaper stories, magazine articles and book, both fiction and nonfiction. His column appeared in New Mexico Magazine for many years and was a popular columnist for the Anchorage Daily News and the Albuquerque Journal, and now writes a nationally syndicated column, “Home Country,” which appears in several hundred newspapers across the country.

 

  Huntington Beach News


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